I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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