There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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