highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
