I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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