Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
