and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
