bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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