I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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