He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
