Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
