Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
