SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
