I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
