dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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