we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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