we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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