1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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