It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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