So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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