so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
