you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
