i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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