Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
