No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
