I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
