I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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