Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
