so explain again why im purple
no
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
