he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
