My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
