i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
