Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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