So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
