You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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