Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm always down for nudity.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
