Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
