i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
