at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
