I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
