guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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