I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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