Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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