.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
