we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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