you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
