the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
