guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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