I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
