I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
