Can i not drive my cunt home
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
